First Kisses, Near Misses
by uber.katt
Summary: Riku can't seem to ignore Roxas, and it's the same the other way around. He knows how much he's hurt him but can't bring himself to change things. Riku POV. Riku/Sora, Seifer/Roxas. Kind of teen-angsty. Barely existent sex references.


Title: But I Kissed You First  
Rating: T for swearing.  
Pairings: Riku/Sora, one-sided Seifer/Roxas and Roxas/Riku  
Warnings: Extremely, extremely mild slash. That's boys love, for those who don't know. There's one kiss, that's all. And some swearing. But not much, and not really bad swear words. Not for the easily offended, though.  
Author's notes: OK, not terribly proud of this, but I like it. It's got a lot of meaning to me. Not beta'd but I think it's OK. Please review, I seriously need constructive criticism that doesn't consist of 'your eyes are small and you need to shave your arms'. Yes, my _arms_. Oh, and you didn't think you'd gotten rid of me that easily? A year without updating is nothing! Love you guys.

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--_It was only a kiss.  
It was only a kiss._--

Do you honest to God think I don't see you? See you watching, _staring_ at us, from your perch in that tree, while I put my hands on his hips and pretend I don't know? And when I step a little closer your expression gets darker, I can see from the corner of my eye. _Why_ do you think you're his shadow? You always tried so hard not to be. You tried to be him, that's why you're just a shadow. You could have tried harder to be your own person.

Maybe if you didn't fake the way you do, you'd be your own person. Sora's hands hesitate over my shoulders. Your movements are like his, but clumsy, like you want to move like him. Move how _you_ want to. Sing like nobody's listening, dance like nobody's watching. Make everything your own. People can only like who you are when you're not trying to be someone else.

I know you think your personality is fabricated from others. But there's something that's just, plainly, purely Roxas. If there wasn't, you wouldn't keep struggling to press it down. You suppressed yourself for too long. Other people oppressed you for too long, far, far too long.

I put my arms round his waist, leaning my cheek on his temple, staring out but staring at you. I hide my thoughts with a look of contentment that keeps you content. I see Seifer before you realize he's there, with his jacket off, his arms copying the line of your body that mine find on Sora's. You're so _similar_. Your eyes narrow. You hate him. He's bad for you. He lights up. You scowl. He can't see.

You really can't stand him, can you?

But it makes him happy, it makes them happy, and you think, so naively, you just _assume_ it makes me happy. Sure. I feel safer when you've got someone hanging round your neck. Safe that you don't love me anymore. Well, I did feel safer, for a little while. It only took a few days to realise you hate him. To notice that you _still_ stare. The same way you used to stare at Hayner, the same way you still do sometimes. That pained expression, so much regret in your eyes. It's not what I want to see from you.

I want to see you happy again. I _tried_ to love you. But I loved him for longer. Sure, it starts somewhere. I hope you don't give up, I hope you don't because it'd be _my_ fault. Mines, his, everyone's.

I ease myself into a kiss, try to clear my head. Your heads turns and you drag that _prick_ into a kiss that he returns with feeling. Oh, he loves you. You don't love him. And, yeah, he hates me with some kind of insane passion. He blames me for your first breakup. Not my fault.

Sora's cheeks are red, really red. I smile at him, and I think there's not much emotion behind it because he gives me a weak response, and then a sigh. I look straight into his eyes. They're so much like yours, but no, his are bigger and brighter and all the more innocent. How can you not stare at us now? I can't help finding my eyes drifting over to look at you. You're leaning into his chest and he looks happy, stubbing out his cigarette on the tree while you look like you might burst into tears at any second. Sora's eyes follow mine.

"They're a cute couple," he says absently, and I smile down at him, this time with more energy, like I mean it.

"Yeah, they are," I agree, and try to forget.

I kissed you first.

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A/N: Thanks for reading this all the way through. The other half should be out whenever I get it typed. Unless my English teacher notices I write fanfiction (slash, at that) in my jotter while he talks about Richard III. I have prelims now, by the way, so don't expect many updates until the summer.

--Cyanide


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